You Know You Travel Too Much When...

You know you travel too much when:

• You use your suitcase as your de facto wardrobe even when you’re at home

• The default state of your fridge/freezer is off

• You lose something and the best you can do when narrowing it down is “It’s in Europe... I think”

• The taxi company know you so well that all you need to do is ring their number and say “Yes” three times in a row to get to the airport

• You can navigate your way through airport security checks about 70% quicker than everybody else because you have a seamless routine for it which begins about 5 minutes before you even get to the security area. Sometimes when I’m checking in the nice check-in girl sees me taking off my belt and gets scared. Or maybe excited! Nope, definitely scared

• Your watch, phone and computer are all in different time zones. None of them are your current time zone

It's eleventy past September! I'm late!

• It’s six weeks into the year and the council still haven’t emptied half of your bins because you’re never there to put them out according to their complex schedule calculated by using a freaking super-computer

• Your high level of laptop usage at strange hours of the day puts you in the same classification as jobless, basement-bound internet pornographers

• You have 1,000,000 times as many airline/hotel points as you have Tesco Clubcard points

• You get mail offering you credit cards in Turkish

• It annoys you constantly that of all the public transport systems in the world, you can only use your Oyster card in London

• The police put a note through your letterbox three times while you’re away saying:

1) Your lights were off, buy a timer to deter burglars
2) No, really, we said buy a timer!
3) Erm... are you dead?

"In hindsight, Mr Coroner, perhaps a knock on
the door would have been a more effective test..."

• It becomes impossible to have a conversation with anyone without saying “That reminds me of when I was in ||random foreign place||”, which everybody hates

• Your electricity company don’t believe the meter reading you submitted, suspect you of defrauding them, and send somebody round to check it

I'd welcome any additions in the comments section. I'm sure some of you have got things to share...